The last entry was in August and here it is the middle of October. I just don't have access to this blog like I desire. My husband does not understand me being on the computer. He thinks the computer is only for chatting and having online affairs. Oh is he wrong. So very very wrong. I have no desire to chat for sure. And the affair. How ridiculous. It is not even worth my time. I would rather surf the net for the tons of info out there and if I do get the time to write it is for my online groups and someday more entries to this blog. I do get on daily for my online courses from University of Phoenix. That is the only thing my husband allows me to do on the computer without hassling me over it. It took me forever to get on here today because I kept signing in with the wrong account or something. I tell you I am very new to this blogging thing. But my heart is in the right direction. I intend to somehow blog a post at least once a week. I mean how sad that there is a blog out there with no posts. I want to post about so much and then there is the limited time restraints. Get a post in when I can. Right now the husband is hunting so I can at least post for a short period of time. I never know when he is going to drive up. I feel as if I am doing something wrong. Like I have to sneak just to post. He makes it to the point I am doing something wrong. Wrong in his eyes. If only he would sit and let me show him what computers really are used for. Those cheaters who have online affairs have made it so hard for me. I just want to journal. I just want to be able to write when I have so much to say. I just want to use the computer for the glory of the Lord and yet he cheapens it by thinking I would actually have an affair online. I have been faithful to him for our entire 28.5 years of marriage. And he has such an eagle eye on this computer how in the world would I be able to communicate with someone. He does not even let me check my emails. I did not mean for this post to be about my jealous husband's stupidity over computers, but I felt as if I owed this blog an excuse. As if this blog is alive. It could be if I could write in it more. It could be filled with life. As such as my life is. But I do have so much that I learn from God that I know it would be worth sharing. Oh how I wish I could have a more supportive husband. If he would allow me to do the things that make me happy then I would be a much happier wife in return. That does not seem to be the case so I will just sneak a post in every now and then. As the name suggests I can only promise one entry at a time. And my time is up for this post.
Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to understand why my husband is so mistrustful of me. I have not been unfaithful and yet he treats me as if I have been. Help me with my marriage dear Lord. I have been married for so long and I have been so unhappy and miserable for the whole length of our marriage. There are very few times I can honestly say that I have been happy with my husband. The only happiness I have gleaned from being married to my alcoholic husband who suffers from mental illness is Jessie and Dewayne. Oh dearest Lord, please help me find some happiness. It has been so long. Do I not deserve to be happy Lord? Or am I doomed to this misery and burden "til death do us part?" How much more must I endure?
Endurance... if I did get a tattoo, which I am never going to do, that would be my word to put on my wrist.
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