I hate fishing. I was dreading it when he told me he was going fishing. I just knew he was going to want me to go with him. See, he usually wants me to go with hm because he doesn't like to go alone. When he goes alone he ends up drinking. And then we all know what happens then. I go with him when he asks even though I hate it. I hate everything about it. Why does a person sit by a stinky river or lake or any body of water and wait and wait and wait for a bite from a fish? It is over 90 degrees out there. There are no bathrooms. There is no shade. It is just dreadful out there. I hate the smell, the heat, and the dirty surroundings. As I said, I hate fishing. I only go for him. And he knows it too. I will take a book and read, but I end up getting miserable with the heat and all, so I quit reading. When the kids went with us we would go look for rocks or other nature adventures. But the kids no longer go with us. They have managed to disinvolve themselves with their daddy's fishing trips. Ask them about their early memories of fishing and all they remember is how their daddy drank. To be truthful all their early memories is always daddy drinking. Nothing has changed. Nothing. Twenty eight years of marriage and well, it is still the same thing just we are older. Older and not as healthy. He will be down in bed for days after this fishing trip. He no longer can walk up and down the hills due to his rheumatoid arthritis. And walking any distance makes his emphysema act up. And the heat bothers his breathing too. And for some reason his fishing holes are not as plentiful as they used to be. So, why go fishing at all? Well, I guess a fisherman enjoys that for some strange reason. So, he got his stuff ready and I asked him if he wanted me to go. He told me that it was all right that I stayed because he knew I had to go to work. So he said for me to just relax. I secretly sighed and thought I am so glad I don't have to go. But then as soon as the sigh was released I also started getting worried. If I don't go then he will probably start drinking again. It has been only a week since the last bout. Oh maybe I should have went. But I hate fishing. I hate everything about it. But I hate his drinking more than anything else. Oh, how I hate his drinking. And how I hate everything about it.
I did relax for awhile. Then I decided I better take advantage of the chance to write. These times are few and far behind. I do get online but only to do my assignments for class. Oh, this course is business law. I am wondering why I am doing this. Why did I decide to get my MBA? I knew it would be harder than getting my bachelors, but I had no idea it would be this hard. I made a A- in my first course. I failed my second class. Yes, failed. Costing me $2,000 failed kind of failed. I am in my third class and this is the first week and I only got a 4 out of 12 points possible. Oh, how I hate failing. I hate to fail. I should not fail. I am smarter than that. But I guess I am not as smart as I thought. I was always on the honor roll when I got my associates and bachelors. I was in Phi Theta Kappa, a honor society. I graduated cum laude. I should be able to pass these master classes right? Wrong. It is hard. Harder than I thought. I feel like dropping out. I am not sure if I can do it. Business law is so hard. I am going to fail. Then I will be owing yet another $2,000. I just got out of debt since I filed bankruptcy. And just because I am not smart enough to pass a class I will be putting myself back into debt. What to do what to do?
Maybe I should just go fishing and not worry about things. I think that fishing is supposed to be a way for people to relax and let things that worry them be put aside while they fish. Maybe I should just try to stop worrying. I know that worry is the wile of the devil and that is not what I should be doing. Maybe I should just take on a fisherman's mentality and just throw my worries out into the water and watch them flow down river. Going down river they will never come back up river and that is what I need to do. Let things go and not try to catch them back up. I do hate everything about fishing. But I also know that fishing was very important to Jesus. So, maybe I need to just think about fishing like Jesus did. I could "fish" through the Bible and find verses on worry and do a study on that. I think that is what I will do. I will stop worrying and just get into the word of God instead. Stop worrying about school and stop worrying about Gordon drinking. I can't change some things, but I can change me and how I respond to things. I hate fishing. I hate Gordon drinking. But I do love the Lord and I do love learning from His word.
I think I will get out my Bible, my pen and journal and see what the Lord has for me to learn. What will I learn about fishing today? Will I walk away and have a great catch of the day? Let's bait up our hook and throw in our line and see what we will reel in from God's lesson of the day...
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