Just relaxin'

Watching Eat Pray Love with Julia Roberts.  Gordon is hunting.  I am being lazy in bed.  Housework was never on my list of things to do while I was off work for Thanksgiving and Black Friday.  Oh how luxurious this has been.  I just love being by myself and watch what I want when I want.  Don't get that very often and when I do I enjoy every second of it.  Then he comes home and things go back to the way they have always been for 29 and half years.  And then I begin to feel guilty for wanting to be by myself.  Two months and 13 days ago I almost was by myself forever.  My husband almost committed suicide.  We have not talked about it since then.  I think about it every day and he has never thought of it again.  I don't want to be by myself as like without my husband.  I just want to be by myself occasionally.  I want to be able to read a book when I want.  I want to journal when I feel like it not just when the moment lends itself.  I want to be able to finish a scrapbook page.  I want to watch shows I enjoy when they come on not just when he is gone.  I want to  wear what I want.  I want to be me.  But I don't know who me is really.  I would like the opportunity to discover who Marshel may be.  I am 52.  I don't know how long I am going to be around this world, no one does, but I pray that the Lord will give me the chance to find me someday before I go to be with Him one day.  Well, that is deep and right now I have to get ready for work.  I will continue to relax knowing I am thankful the Lord has provided me this day, today, to be alive and well.  God bless your day, Marshel