January is half over and I haven't done anything I had made commitments to do. I had wanted to get up early again like I used to and do my devotional readings and journaling before I went off to work. Well, I have tried and the alarm goes off at 4:45 am and I hit the snooze two times before having to rush around and be at work at 6. It takes 20 minutes to get to work so I have to try to leave at least by 5:40. Gordon driving we make it on time. He drives a little faster than me. Anyway, I can't get up any earlier. I really have tried and just have not been able to. I am so tired in the morning and that is after sleeping during the night. So, I got to figure out when I can have my devotional time with the Lord other than at 4 in the mornings. So, that is a matter of prayer.
I also want to attend church services more faithful and that aint working out so well either. My job at the store keeps scheduling me on church nights and if they don't then my baby of a husband throws a fit and I end up staying home. I know I should not be compromising and straddling the fence. I know I need to put the Lord first especially on the nights there is church, but since he has sobered up I have not been able to leave the house. When he was drinking I was gone from the house all of the time. Now I feel more of a prisoner than ever. He isn't abusive, but he makes me feel guilty if I want to go to church or to our women's meetings. He pulls that don't leave me alone I can't handle it. So he did not succeed in taking his life and for that I am grateful, but what he is now is more depressed than ever. He doesn't have the alcohol to take the emotional pain away or whatever it was he drank for. So he is having to deal with the depression without alcohol. And he is also dealing with the physical pain of the rheumatoid arthritis and COPD/emphysema without alcohol. I am having to deal with a sober husband who is what they call a dry drunk. All of the same problems just without the alcohol. But praise the Lord he is not abusive and I no longer fear I will not be able to leave the house without him getting mean. But now I cannot leave the house without him pulling this they shouldn't have saved me depressed state of mind he gets in. So that is a matter of prayer.
I wanted to read and journal more and the two jobs are keeping me just as busy so that is a matter of prayer. I wanted to do more things with the grandchildren and the two jobs keep me too busy. So that is a matter of prayer.
Not being able to just enjoy life is a matter of prayer. I am not going through any depression right now. So I keep that a matter of prayer too. I know I can overcome depression if I only trust in the Great Physician. I just need to turn it all over to the Lord and He will be glorified and the victory will be His.
Well, the children are waking up and I am grateful I had a short opportunity to write in this blog. I want to blog more and that too is a matter of prayer. May the Lord bless you today. marshel
No comments:
Post a Comment